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Neighbor girl told my little dd6 a 'true' ghost story - ahh

Neighbor girl told my little dd6 a 'true' ghost story - ahh

kind of long, sorry, but I need advice ;-)

My dds play with a next-door neighbor girl who is 12 (only in our house or outside), my girls are 6 & 8 . This girl is very immature and plays on their level, she still plays dolls, house and things like that. Well, there have been a few times I have to stop her and tell her not to tell some story to my girls because they were to young for it, it has never been anything horrible just nothing my dc need to be hearing. She doesn't seem to have a sense of what is or is not appropriate to tell younger kids. Tonight they played together on her porch for quite awhile. When they came home I found out she told them that ghost are real, and then proceeded to tell them a gruesome ghost story involving someones eyes being gouged out. My youngest dd is VERY sensitive to scary things, ended up being terrified at bedtime and crying. We had a big talk about how sometime big kids say things like that to younger ones, and after talking a while she seemed OK. I am NOT happy with the neighbor girl, but I know her well enough to know that she didn't realize she shouldn't tell them, she just has no sense when it comes to knowing what is and isn't appropriate.

So, I'm wondering, should I talk to this girl, or her parents, or just tell them they can't play with her anymore? There aren't really any other kids for my dc to play with in the neighborhood.

re: Neighbor girl told my little dd6 a 'true' ghost story - ahh

I am NOT happy with the neighbor girl, but I know her well enough to know that she didn't realize she shouldn't tell them, she just has no sense when it comes to knowing what is and isn't appropriate.

Please do not take this the wrong way. But the girl is 12 years old! How WOULD she know what is appropriate and what isn't to discuss with 6 and 8 yo girls? She isn't mature enough to determine that.

If you want your children to play with her, then only do it when you are with them at all times, so you can supervise. Otherwise, this will continue to happen. Even though you say she is "immature" and still plays with dolls and such, she IS 12, and that is a big age difference with your children.

re: Neighbor girl told my little dd6 a 'true' ghost story - ahh

Please do not take this the wrong way. But the girl is 12 years old! How WOULD she know what is appropriate and what isn't to discuss with 6 and 8 yo girls? She isn't mature enough to determine that.
***
Thanks for giving me a different perspective - I think this is one of those things where people's backgrounds make a huge difference on how they see things. I started caring for children when I was 9, I was never taught that I shouldn't say this or that, I just *knew*. There was no way I would have ever told a younger child something scary, let them watch a scary show, or read a scary book. My dds & my niece are the same way, when they are with younger kids they naturally take on a 'caretaker' role, use a 'mommy voice', and just seem to *know* that they shouldn't say or do certain things around little ones that would otherwise be OK. BUT I forget that not everyone grows up around children and has that sense. This girl is also the youngest in her family, so that probably also has something to do with it, not seeing younger children being parented.

I hope that this comes through in the right tone :-)

I think your advice of only having them play when I'm right there is a good idea. Thanks.

re: Neighbor girl told my little dd6 a 'true' ghost story - ahh

12 is plenty old enough to know nott to say things scary to younger children. The problem is she has probably been exposed to that stuff since she was their age so to her its no big deal. ( so in that since she wouldnt know). But i would definately have known at that age and so would my dc. i would let her play with your dc but at your house where you can check in on conversations. Also have a talk with girl and let her know that was innappropriate. Also talk your girls and tell them if she starts talking about things that make them scared or uncomfortable or body parts etc thats they are to come tell you.

re: Neighbor girl told my little dd6 a 'true' ghost story - ahh

I think 12 is just a very hard age. It gets into those "tween" years, KWIM?

You can have girls that age who are mature enough to know what she should be discussing and what she shouldn't. And then you have another 12 yo child, who may not think anything of it at all.

I would just kind of be around when they are together. Kind of in "earshot" so you can overhear their conversations. I hope things work out because it sounds like your girls really like this child as a friend :0)

re: Neighbor girl told my little dd6 a 'true' ghost story - ahh

I would only allow them to play when I was available to directly supervise.

We had a problem neighbor girl. If they were in my backyard, I was in the back bedrooms folding clothes, listening through the open window or in the kitchen watching. Many many times I asked her to leave, or change the game or conversation.

It's hard- my girls liked having a neighbor to play with on the spur of the moment- all of their friends require careful planning and schedule coordination to visit with since we're all so busy and/or live far away. But it is worth the trouble to have better friends.

re: Neighbor girl told my little dd6 a 'true' ghost story - ahh

If she intentionally did it to upset them, then that's one thing but kids get together and do things like that because they are kids. If she's immature, she may have a learning disability or just can't distinguish between socially acceptable. That's a young age to know grown up lines that shouldn't be crossed. Maybe politely tell her that you would rather that she kept those types of things to herself.

re: Neighbor girl told my little dd6 a 'true' ghost story - ahh

Do be very cautious. You do not know who is influencing her and if they are desensitizing her to blood & gore. My next step would be to ask her where she hears these stories and then to explain to her what you do not allow and why.

Whenever I get the chance I like to take these situations and turn them into an opportunity to share the truth. You could even use Phil 4:8 (whatsoever things are true, lovely, etc) and Prov 23:7 (as a man thinketh in his heart).

When you share these things with her there are several outcomes, one being the parents will ask her not to come over again because you are sharing Scripture (amazing but true) or you will whet her appetite for the Truth. God promised His Word would not return to Him void and using the Scripture to address a problem is mighty powerful!

Let us know how it turns out if you speak with her!

Edited to fix my grammar!

This post was edited on Apr 26, 2010 10:19 AM

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